I looked at the mistakes my parents and friends made and thought I was going to do it better.
I was going to do it right – no dishonesty, no raising my voice, no TV, and the list goes on and on.
Now, 5 years into this parenting thing, I’ve come to realize I was wrong. I was very, very wrong. It didn’t take me five years to come to terms with this, it took me five years to find enough spare time to write it down.
Then
My children will eat what I cook – I will teach them to appreciate fine cuisine from around the world. They will have expansive pallets and enjoy trying new foods as much as I do.
Now
Please eat. I don’t care what. We’ve been sitting at this table for over an hour and you’ve taken 2 bites. Please eat something. I long ago gave up on making exciting new dishes. I now make whatever the kids want if it will just make them eat. Hot Dogs and chicken nuggets for every meal? Fine. Just please eat.
Then
My children won’t be lied to – I’m not going to lie to my children. I will be honest with them. I will tell them how things work and won’t dumb things down for them. Knowledge is power, I want them to have it.
Now
I lie everyday. Why can’t we go to McDonald’s? It’s closed. Can I have a snack? No it’s almost dinner. Can I play with your tablet? The battery is dead. Sometimes a little white lie will save hours of arguments and explanations.
Then
My children won’t eat fast food – The food served to my kids will always be healthy and organic. We will set aside time to cook wholesome meals for the family.
Now
Unless you are planning on coming over here to cook, I don’t want to hear it. Sure, I’ll whip up that tenderloin after work, somewhere in those 30 minutes between my kids swimming and karate lessons. The important thing here is to eat at the table as a family, though it be chicken nuggets and pop tarts.
Then
My children won’t destroy my things – I won’t allow my children to act like those darn kids I see at the playground. My children will know better and will not break things. They will respect their own as well as other people’s property.
Now
Kids seem to break everything they touch. If they can get near it, they can break it. The only things I have left are high up on shelves or hidden in the garage.
Then
My children will play outside. TV will be limited – My children will learn to play outside and the amount of time they spend with TV’s video games and other such electronic devises will be very limited. Their imaginations will be their entertainment fostering a growing imagination and creativity.
Now
If you want to maintain your sanity, screen time is essential. Sometimes if the kids are fighting and I turn on the TV so I can get 5 minutes of ‘me’ time. Road trips without a tablet fully loaded with movies is a recipe for disaster.
Then
My children will respect and listen to me – I will teach my children about listening to and respecting adults. My children will not talk back or scream not like those hooligans I saw at the store crying and acting out, all because they NEED that shitty toy.
Now
No parent can dodge this bullet. You can talk to them about appropriate behaviour and explain that they do not get everything they want. It’s inevitable that every parent will face a child with a rage filled tantrum in the check-out line because you refused to buy them a Kinder egg.
Then
My children will keep my house clean. – I will teach my children to put things away when they are done with them and that they will be responsible for their belongings. I am not a maid and won’t clean up after them.
Now
Yup, I was stupid.
