A dad’s hysterical texts to his wife after their son vomited in the back seat are going viral
Recently, a squeamish dad posted some screenshots of text messages he sent to his wife after their young child puked while driving home in the car. His accounts of the incident are hilarious and it’s got parents everywhere laughing in sympathy.
It all started one night after Ben Patterson he met up with his wife, Stephanie, to swap cars so she could go out with some friends that evening and he could look after the kids. Shortly after the swap, his son, Declan, unleashed hell and whelched up the foulest of pukes. Patterson took a picture and sent it to his unsuspecting wife, who didn’t respond to his texts. Things went downhill pretty quickly from there:
So this just happened
I just pulled over and am trying not to throw up myself
I just threw up trying to clean him up
It smells SO BAD
This was only the beginning for Patterson. Disgusted by the smell and being a self proclaimed ‘sympathetic vomiter extraordinaire’, Patterson followed suit and starting throwing up himself, all while pulled over near some random lady’s front lawn. Naturally concerned, this lady accused him of drunk driving with his kids in the car and she called the cops on him:
I seriously don’t know what to do, I’m barfing every time I try to clean him up
I’m puking on some lady’s lawn in Burlingame and she comes out to ask me if I’m drunk while driving the kids
I’m trying to explain that I’m a sympathetic vomiter and can’t handle the smell
This is so bad
Aaaaand now the cops showed up
Aaaaand now a breathalyzer
YOU OWE ME SO BIG
meanwhile Declan continues to barf
WHAT DID HE EAT BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTING WHALE BLUBBER
ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!!!!
At least I passed the breathalyzer
Trying to drive home with the windows down and breathing through my shirt
Patterson sheepishly passed the breathalyzer with flying colors and was finally able to finish the drive home with his still-vomiting son in the back seat. He ended up with a bizarre story that will be told around campfires for generations, and all it took was a preoccupied wife, a concerned bystander, the police, one sick kid and a sympathetic vomiter extraordinaire.