These are 5 basic questions that every parent wants to ask their baby. We want answers!
Why does my food taste better than yours?
Hey kid. We’re eating the same thing. Why do you need to sit on my lap and eat from my plate? Why do bites with my full-sized fork taste better than bites from your Sofia the First plate and matching cutlery set that you BEGGED FOR. I don’t understand your choices. I like eating with no one in my lap. Did you know that?
How do you know the exact moment mom and dad get intimate?
You’re amazing at knowing the second we’ve gotten into it. How is that? Do you have a sensor? Why don’t you want us to be happy? You’re crying because our pain brings you joy. Admit it. I’m ten seconds away from turning off the baby monitor, FYI.
What’s so painful about getting dressed?
It’s too early for this. Shirts and pants are going to be a part of your everyday life. What’s with all of the squirming and crying? As you lay flat on your back on the floor, screaming your head off because I *gasp* want you to cover your nakedness so we can get groceries, I have to wonder…what about clothing offends you?
You loved a food last week. Now it disgusts you. Why?
Yesterday this food made you the happiest child on Earth. You ate it the same way I drink: often and with gusto. Why are you acting like it’s salty dog turds on a plate today? I don’t get it. Is it because I bought it in bulk? You like my tears, don’t you?