Something about this so-called ‘magical time of the year’ taps into our primal instincts and turns us into savage shopping beasts. From the panic-stricken shoppers, looping carols and parking lots full of a-holes, shopping for your kids can be a down right adventure.
Here are the worst things about Christmas shopping for your kids.
1. They want absolutely everything. Our Sears Wish Book has literally every toy circled. I am a sorry child for I don’t have the disposable income of a Saudi prince.
2. You know that by buying that 1000 piece Lego set you will inevitably step on half of it. There are 3 levels of pain: pain, excruciating pain, and stepping on a Lego.
4. The Frozen Ice Castle is all your daughter wants. The Frozen Ice Castle costs $199.95 plus tax.
5. Other people are also shopping for their kids. These people, like you, spent November procrastinating and are now pissed off at themselves that they didn’t do all their Christmas shopping online.
6. There is no escaping the Christmas Music. You’ve been listening to these lame carols blasting over department PA systems in every grocery store, department store, drug store, hardware store and shopping mall for months. If holidays were diseases, Christmas would be cancer — a highly aggressive and fast-spreading cancer. It’s already taken over Thanksgiving, extends into New Year’s, and has Remembrance/Veterans day on its radar.
7. The lines at Starbucks are out of control, and the chick in front just spent 2-minutes ordering an overly complicated drink. You just want a damn coffee. Starbucks should have a separate line for people who are not obnoxious and entitled.
8. You know you won’t be thanked for your efforts. Your kids are under the impression that Santa happily makes toys along with his elves in their warm and cozy workshop. Santa doesn’t go to the mall in the thick of Winter, battle the crowds and fork out his hard-earned money, only to have the credit given to a bearded, overweight man.
9. You bought that John Deere tractor that you think your 2-year-old son will love, however you know deep down that his favorite part will be ripping open the paper.
10. Your essentially Santa’s pack mule, joining the other sweaty hordes of parents lugging around Santa’s cargo to load into your Santa Fe sleigh.